Wednesday, March 22, 2006

Full On Technicolour 4D Uber-Dreamcoat Vision

I've given in eventually and forked out for Windows XP. After fighting Gareth Gates (or whatever is name is)across this Super Highway for what seems like Eons, Ive decided to try a new tactic with what is supposed to be cutting edge technology? and fight him on the beaches of XP.
Well, he might have won the battle, but he ain't won the war.
As usual I am expecting to run into every problem known to man and beast whilst updating everything to comply with the rules!. Hopefully the next time I post it will be done in 'Full On Technicolour 4D Uber-Dreamcoat Vision'!
So here goes...without chopper cover...
By the Way, Don't try licking the screen or the windows, this is for professionals only(Paul).

Saturday, March 18, 2006

Even Jesus Loves Me !

"Or8 evry 1n yer calm the F**k Dahn!
Due to problems (with Blogger) earlier today there was a mad panic and a massive tumour growing in the minds of the flock that have chosen spiritual enlightenment in the readings and scriptures of this religion that is known as reverberation.
As you can all see there is nothing to fear except 'Life itself' when it comes down to it,... I set off into town on my dinner hour (precious that it is) to place a bet on a horse in the Cheltenham Gold Cup, Knowing fine well that it is St.Patrick's day by passing numerous 'tatty munchin' drunken Irish concrete layers languishing outside every Inn and Tavern the length and breadth of old Inverness town. (Although I was safe in the knowledge that Fiona (Queen of the Stands & Conqueror of all Gypsy's) had cleared me a safe path to bequeath my hard earned soverign's to the kind hearted and hand rubbing lady behind Ladbrokes counter.
Nay...,Yet I may have led you astray a little, I did retain some winnings from the wager by actually placing monies Each-Way on an Irish horse called 'Forget The Past' which was placed in 3rd at 11/1, so alls well that ends well you say eh?, except there's just 1 more question I've gotta ask ya (in a Peter Falk style) ... the woman that I passed on my way to the bookies that I did a massive body swerve to avoid called out to me as I passed her Jesus Loves You!, was this a sign from the Almighty himself??? who I had just mocked but the night before here with a book for 'Dummies'!!!
Did any spoons or other items of cutlery suddenly just bend for no apparent reason at all in your house around 3.15 p.m 16th March 2006?
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Thursday, March 16, 2006

To some it's a burden... To me it's a Gift...

I'm not one to blow my own kazoo but after a few comments that I've received recently voting me 'Lance Armstrong', "The Yellow Jersey" wearer of the 'Blogging' community, I thought I'd better weigh in with some of my vast and exstensive knowledge on all things in general.
Since my last post I have received countless e-mails stating that I am shortly to become what is known in your world as "The Guru of Blog?" and all shall kneel before me or simply toss Rose petals for me to walk barefoot on around your Blogs and websites whilst I share my messages...
Whilst doing my Thursday night "Free" (Us From The) "Church" work here in the Highland Outback Posting of Culloden surrounded by "savages, freaks, zeros, common idiots, clunts and jelly heads etc", (you name it they are here) I stumbled across this when I was asked by a Hebrew/Gaelic speaking sock puppet from the West Coast about a strange phenomenon that could link Peter , Paul (sorry no Mary) and (The True) St.Jude
I see you all get a mention here... Peter (Fisherman, Lost Cause), Paul (Lost Cause, Impossible Cause, Axe), James The Lesser (Forgotten Cause, Beaten To death With A Club), Simon (Fisherman, Writer of Persian Letters, bearded) ... (Please read the link to (The True) St.Jude)
                              1 - 2 - 3 Your back in the room
I think on reflection Guru is the wrong title to use, ... I think The Special One befits me better...
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Monday, March 13, 2006

Captain Blogwash and Crotch Pheasant in 'Carry on Blogging'

After winning a berry picking short break staying in a cave near Tore (next door to some bloke in a turban called Austin Bin Ladle), upon my return I was astounded to find 'the return of the Mac'(Kenzie) on the so called Internet Highway. Good old Captain Blogwash himself Peter and his trusty sidekick Crotch Pheasant have gone and started one of those Blogging site things where as far as I can understand, it involves hanging around deserted car parks or down the woods waiting to watch other 'Bloggers' indulging in 'Blogging' and sometimes if your lucky you get to add your own two penneths worth aswell!.
Anyway, I hope you enjoy your 'Blogging' but remember those who suffered and those that still are from the long gone days of yore when all you knew was that one day 'The Great Prawn Wars of 2002' would surely end and that Man cannot live with Fish Alone!
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Sunday, March 05, 2006

Sunday, Goody Sunday...

I set off tonight to watch the boxing on ITV featuring Joe Calzaghe and some American guy called Jeff Lacy disputing the Super Middle-Weight Belt. They are both entertaining and explosive boxers but after the first 2 mins of the programme starting, we are all informed that due to this fight being screened in America the main bout is scheduled to start at approximately 2.00 a.m GMT...WHY?...Because it seems that everytime anybody fights against the Americans , be it a legal fight or an illegal war, it all has to be done to suit the American Television Viewing Public!!!
Come on the BBC!!! The License fee is due to go up again in April isn't it?
You could have bought the fight and not let ITV.
You Can Do It!!! So do us all a favour and show the fight at a reasonable time seeing as it is in Manchester!
As an after thought, I was a bit pissed off not to see Johnny Nelson fight on the undercard tonight [NB](Johnny Nelson had to pull out of the fight 3 weeks ago due to an achilles injury and was replaced by Huddersfield fighter Mark Hobson), being originally from Sheffield myself this was to me the Main Event...
So, there's no way I'm going to stay up to watch the fight 'Live' because it is fully Re-Screened at about 11.30 a.m. on Sunday Morning and there's not much more to choose from to watch except for Landward on one channel and John Noakes Does Sheep on the other...
Thank God for Sunday.... No wonder even the Almighty rested and stayed in bed on the Seventh Day...( The Sabbath)...

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Saturday, March 04, 2006

An Uber Late One

Whilst having a bit of a late night, I stumbled aimlessly across this little gem!
A childhood Classic!. I can remember getting one of these for christmas one year and attempting to draw a picture on it!, still it is an addictive thing trying to get anything to actually resemble something without having to resort to just scribbling randomly because the stick man that you have drawn has got one foot bigger than the other, one arm thinner and a face you would normally see on Crimewatch UK as a Photo Fit. So after about 10 mins of doodling I knocked up this little number of Michael Jordan basketball icon of the Chicago Bulls...

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Friday, March 03, 2006

This is Not the Uber Post your looking for...

Not having had much interesting to post about recently I was hoping for some sort of ├╝ber Durchschnitt post, but I think this ones leading nowhere. Most of the last week I've been playing the old xbox and was hoping for a few hours on it today due to the six or so inches of snow falling overnight. After about 3/4's of an hour waiting for a bus I decide to give it up and go back home. I phoned into work, got a cup of tea, went back to bed and started up the xbox. An hour or so later the work rings me to tell me that a lift will be there in about 15 mins..Day Ruined.., although I must mention I'm off Monday so I am now not hoping for uber amounts of snowfall over the weekend.